OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
