Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
