What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
