You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
