one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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