A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
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