East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
