sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
