I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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