is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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