His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
