Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
