I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
