i barfeds in our rink
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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