There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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