i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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