you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
