I cannot find my penis.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
