just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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