Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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