Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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