I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
