Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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