ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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