You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
