i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
