I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
