Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
