Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
