Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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