I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
