I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
