I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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