with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
