I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I forget how to act sober
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
