My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
