My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
soo... how was my night?
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