Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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