i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
