I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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