i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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