hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
