If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
