i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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