I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
