How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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