ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
