I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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