i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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