You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
