It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
