Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
