I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
